Not a product placement

I recently realized that my white coats were, how shall we say, not white. They were not as gross as you might now be imagining, because the average day in the hospital does not include getting others’ bodily fluids on my coat, but the collars and the cuffs showed that grey tinge that comes from a revolting combination of pen ink from note-taking, water from hand-washing, and sweat from question-answering. I usually use an “earth conscious” detergent, one that is slightly cheaper than the wholly organic versions, but still leaves out most of the chemicals I dislike. Much as I love the lavender aroma and non-toxic fumes of this particular detergent, however, it lacks the vigorous stain-removing properties of a more earth-killing soap. At the recommendation of a classmate, I invested in some Oxy-Clean and pre-treated my white coats, and then soaked them for several hours, and then washed them in hot water. They are now mostly white, and I feel reassured that they do not contain any kind of terrifying bacteria because the combination of detergent that probably hastens the end-of-days with it’s whitening power and hot water is apparently a winning one. I feel a little guilty, actually admitting that the soap that kills is the soap that actually works better, but sometimes, maybe, I guess, a little man-made miracle is necessary. But I’ll probably keep hiding it deep within the closet and only bring it out for the white coats that themselves harbor germs that could bring on the apocalypse.