Halloween Part 1: Crafting

A photo-journalistic narrative of my costume...

A historic accomplishment

Watch here to hear President Obama talk about signing into law the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.  This law adds sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, and disability to the protected categories covered by hate crimes legislation.  This allows the federal government to get involved when necessary to assist local law enforcement with hate crimes investigation and prosecution.  It saddens me that it has taken so long, but at least we have it now, thanks to the tireless advocacy of people like Judy Shepard and countless other advocates for the protection of all people from crimes motivated by hatred and bias. 

Let’s keep our fingers crossed that a comprehensive ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) will be soon to follow!

Top Chef… and the social value of television

I didn’t watch a lot of TV as a child.  I would, overall, characterize this as a good thing, as I learned to love to read more than I might otherwise have done.  I didn’t have a television in college either.  Ash and I would occasionally venture down into the MCB basement to watch movies (often obscure Spanish-language films for my classes), but mostly we were entertained by conversation with other residents and between ourselves.  Alicia and I didn’t have a television for the first several years of graduate school, but it was at that point that I started to realize some of the social benefits of having a limited number of televisions.  My friends would invite everyone over to watch either Top Chef or Project Runway, and everyone would bring snacks and built up resentment of school from the previous week, all to share.  This became a lovely ritual, and though it got a little rough while my friends were third years, and has been less regular now that they are interns, it has continued.  The group of people attending has varied slightly over the years, but it has remained a bright spot in my evenings for quite some time.

I went to watch Top Chef last night, and though I’m exhausted today, I had a lovely time.  (As an aside, I wish it would be on earlier in the evening…  10-11pm is much too late for me!)  It’s really wonderful to be able to (re)connect with friends from medical school, and be reminded that there is a job on the other end of this lengthy graduate school trajectory.  Also to be reminded that a leek is not, in fact, a protein, which was mostly what I took away from last night’s show.  I’m sleepy, so this is rambling, but mostly I’d just like to express how thankful I am for friends, and to some extent for television that’s given us an excuse for weekly reunions.

Cannot get a handle on this weather…

I’m sure that the trip to Arizona made this adjustment more complicated, but the weather this October seems more finicky than usual.  Yesterday I was too warm and had to take off my jacket in the afternoon, so today I wore a short sleeved shirt with my jacket and I was cold every time I went outside.  What’s a girl to do?

I know the real answer is to layer, but then I end up carrying around a ton of different things and the potential to lose them increases exponentially with each item I’m carrying.  I have enough to worry about (and enough to carry) without a bunch of clothing draped over my arm as I run around campus. 

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will just stay cool from here on out and I’ll be fine in my sweaters and long-sleeved shirts.  I prefer them anyway and they give me a much broader range of dressy clothes in which to teach.  I know that some of you will be cursing me for that wish, and I’m that sure soon enough I’ll be longing for the warmth of this bizarre interjection of spring/summer in October, but right now, all I want is a constant chill.

When you find yourself seated next to a knitter on the plane…

…you should not make comments intended to suggest that what she (or he) is doing might simply be a waste of time.  Comments like “well that’s a lot of work for just a dishcloth” simply do not have responses!  They lead only to awkward justifications of knitting as a hobby/calling/whatever, and if you don’t already understand that I make dishcloths because to me they are fun and beautiful, and not because it is efficient and money/time-saving, you won’t even after I’ve explained it.

Apart from this somewhat odd interchange on the plane, my trip to Tempe, AZ was fantastic.  Jack and Linda were the kindest hosts a person could hope for, and it was wonderful to see them.  We had delicious Indian food, and went up to the top of South Mountain Park, which according to the website has lookouts at 2,300 ft. and 2,600 ft.  We drove up just past dusk and saw a bit of the sunset and then the lovely sea of lights that is Phoenix and the Valley of the Sun at night.  It was beautiful!  Next step: find a way to visit in the winter when it is most terrible here. 

The conference was also pretty good, though my talk was attended only by a small group of folks.  (I was scheduled opposite someone much more well-known than I…)  I nonetheless got some good feedback about my work, which was the purpose of the conference in the first place. 

Overall it was a lovely weekend, and it allowed me to miss a few days of rain and cold for sunshine and warmth.  I’m glad to be home though (and that I’m not traveling for at least a few weeks more), and am settling back into fall.

One more thing…

I forgot to mention in my last post that I will also be seeing Uncle Jack and Aunt Linda while I’m here in Tempe, AZ.  This is very exciting, and makes much of the traveling worth it.  Yay for having family in warm, beautiful places that host conferences. 

October… You nefarious month…

October this year has been crazy.  I was at GLMA at the beginning of the month, the Point Foundation Regional Leadership Conference last weekend, and am now at the Annual Conference of the North American Association of Computational Social and Organizational Sciences.  (As an aside, I think social sciences folks like really, really long acronyms.  You will recall that I attended NCPSSSH last year – the National Conference of Physician Scholars in the Social Sciences and Humanities…)  As much as I love to travel, this is crazy – 3/5 is not an appropriate fraction to represent the number of weekends I’ve traveled in a given month.  It should be at most 2/5 or 1/4.  In the middle of the semester that’s even pushing it, as I’ve learned.  And yet, here we are.

On the positive side, the conference has included some interesting speakers, and the weather is amazing.  It’s currently about 75-80 degrees here, and the sun is shining.  Not to rub it in the faces of those of you in Michigan, but I happen to know that it’s raining and cold there.  Take solace in the fact that you are seeing the height of the beautiful fall colors and here all of the trees are plain old boring green. 

I think conference attendance is an art.  It requires a number of critical skills, including abilities to:

1. determine ahead of time which sessions will be well done and which ones will be presentations of the authors’ previous night’s rambling.

2. apply disparate research and theory presentations to your own life and work.

3. network efficiently, even with sometimes socially awkward academics.

I’m working on all of these skills, as well as on finishing a last minute presentation myself for tomorrow morning.  Wish me luck.

A week of purple vegetables

I went to the farmers market yesterday with only two things on my list: cauliflower and eggs. I had $5, so I hoped I’d be able to pick up something additional from my favorite vegetable stand (Frog Holler Organic Farm). When I arrived, I saw that they didn’t have cauliflower, but that the stand across the street had the most beautiful gigantic cauliflowers I’d ever seen – and they were purple! (To be fair, they had white cauliflower too, but who wants white cauliflower when you can have purple?) I was so excited, and after buying my eggs and noting the $2 price tag on the cauliflower, I went back over to the Frog Holler booth to see what I could get for my last $1. Looking over the list, I realized that it had to be a week of purple vegetables…

Knitting with Stainless Steel

On a whim, I purchased some Habu A-21 1/20 silk stainless B (in color 4, which is brown) when I was at Nina, a posh knit shop in the Wicker Park neighborhood of Chicago. I’d seen a few projects knit with it online, and it just seemed so cool. I also got a skein of super fine merino (in color 56, which is grass green) to run with it – largely because after starting the lovely purple lace scarf last year (which continues to languish in my knitting bag), I vowed to never attempt to knit anything out of lace weight yarn again. It is simply too skinny and I don’t understand how anyone knits with it. I love lace with fingering-weight yarn, lace with DK, lace with worsted, even lace with bulky, but not lace with lace-weight.

I started the shawl – the same Ishbel pattern I knit for Jess a while back – last week, and it’s really coming along beautifully. The green and brown mix in a lovely way (that occasionally looks a bit like seaweed, but I’m okay with that) and the steel gives it the most interesting texture. (I even wound the yarns together into a single ball to make my life easier... And now I have the most parenthetical statements of any post I've ever written...)

No other point to this post… I’m just excited to finish it so that I can wear it – I’m working on expanding my wardrobe through knitted goods this year…

A short addendum – and more pictures

Mom reminded me of one more thing about having a dog as a student (or any sort of busy person):

Having to leave your new pet alone at home is difficult. Walter cried for 20-30 minutes in his crate each time we left the house for the first week or two that we had him. It was heartbreaking, and also nerve-wracking as we didn’t know at what point the neighbors would think we were torturing him (or complain about the noise). It didn’t take long for him to realize that we were always coming back, but feeling like I couldn’t leave the house was a horrible experience… Now he’s pretty good, and we’ve learned that for a treat, he will settle into his house and be perfectly happy sleeping for hours, so life with Walter is pretty good.

Most recent ridiculous undertaking: Walter created a nest out of some pillows and unused bedding that was sitting in the corner. We’ve moved it out of his reach, but he loved it for the 1-2 days before we cleaned it up.

Here is Walter helping Alicia to make the bed...

Reflections… and gratuitous cute Walter photos

Many people have asked me whether it’s feasible to have a dog (or any other kind of pet) while in graduate or medical school, so I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Hearing others’ thoughts on it this weekend (at the GLMA conference) made me think about it again. Reflecting on our first nine months with Walter, I think the answer is clear: it depends.

My schedule has changed substantially over the course of my program. I have significant flexibility in how long I am out of the house, though I know that this will change when I go back to medical school and am on the wards. Alicia’s schedule has been relatively constant through all of this, with a few exceptional days, though this may also change when I go back to medical school and lose any semblance of control over my schedule.

Conclusion #1: Sole responsibility for anything other than a fish isn’t something I would have undertaken or plan to undertake at any point in my life.

Caveat #1: If you can pay someone to help out, conclusion #1 is null and void. We discussed the possibility of hiring a dog walker to take Walter out in the middle of the day to give him a chance to relieve himself and play outside. This ended up not being necessary, but may come back into consideration in a few years.

In spite of the altered schedule, I have been impressed with the anti-stress benefits of having Walter around. I think I laugh even more now that he is constantly hiding in the blankets or trying to lick my face. I definitely walk more since I’m obligated to take him outside once or twice each day for half and hour or so. I’ve been able to listen to more podcasts/books on tape, and find that the time away from work makes me more productive.

Conclusion #2: Having a pet forces you to slow down, and for someone like me, this is a good thing.

Caveat #2: Getting a pet during finals was probably the worst possible time, as I was crazy and there was nothing stress relieving about having to take the dog out when I had an exam due. I’ve figured out his schedule now, but I’d err on the side of a calm time if I had the opportunity to do it again.

Overall, I love having Walter around. There’s nothing like having the dog snuggled on the couch to make a nap even more inviting, and I’m constantly entertained by his antics. Clearly, however, it’s a balance. If I were responsible for all of his care, I’d probably go nuts, and if we had a dog that required 10 hours of walking and intensive playing every day, we’d all be unhappy. But I’m not, and we don’t.

Conclusion #3: It depends.

AIDS Walk Michigan!

I didn't get a chance to post about the AIDS Walk, and don't have much to say other than thank you to everyone who donated and to Alicia for walking with me. Walt also walked, and looked quite dashing in his bandana...

GLMA #4

I missed the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association conference last year, or this one would have been my fifth.  At this point, I’ve been to enough of their conferences that I can say that this was one of the best in terms of programming.  Though some of the sessions can seem a bit repetitive (largely because there are health issues that we just can’t seem to successfully beat, like HIV and smoking), this year there were some new perspectives and lots of excitement. 

I attended a number of talks by healthcare providers and activists who are thinking about the delivery of transgender healthcare in interesting ways – whether working with insurance companies to demonstrate that trans-inclusive policies do not actually end up costing companies much extra money at all, or working loosely with the standards of care to create an informed consent model that gives patients a greater degree of autonomy and control in their care, they are pushing to make the world a healthier and safer place. 

I also heard more sessions this year dealing with intersections of identities (like age, race, and sexuality, among others) and how those intersections affect health in unique ways.  I was heartened to see some discussion of the resiliency of youth, while I was saddened by the continued realities of high rates of depression and suicide among our young people. 

It was also lovely to touch base with the UMMS BGLAM folks again – I tend to get a bit out of touch since I’m not physically in the medical school right now.  In addition, I got to see Liz Eaman, illustrious UMMS alum, family medicine resident, and GLMA board member.  She is always inspiring and wonderful, and it was great to see her again.  Rounding out my social calendar were Tanya, Brian H., and Aaron P., all of whom are interns this year, seeing patients, saving lives, and sleeping when they can. 

Overall, it was lovely.  I returned home feeling inspired (although wary of the volume of unaddressed e-mail in my box) and ready to get back to work…

Taco Tour!

Alicia and I rode in the Taco Tour on Friday, which was definitely an interesting experience. It was organized by Bike Ypsi, a group of enthusiastic and eclectic cyclists from Ypsilanti (and a few from Ann Arbor like us). The weather didn’t look overly promising, but we pushed onward, having been assured by cyclists who participated in last year’s event that it was more fun in a torrential downpour. It ended up only raining lightly for a little bit toward the start of the ride.

Because we were riding through lots of parts of Ypsilanti, the traffic and road quality varied, though the organizers did an incredible job of selecting lovely roads for us to use as we biked between taco locales. Overall, I think the ride was about 20 miles, with only a few hills. I was tired by the end and, as always, resolved to bike more during the week to avoid the weekend exhaustion/weakness.

The tacos were clearly the highlight of the tour. We started at Los Amigos, which served a hard shelled taco with lots of shredded cheese and cilantro. I had a bean taco, and enjoyed it. The shell wasn’t great, but the cheese was delicious. After a long-ish trek out to Ypsi Township for
Los Amigos, we headed back into town for Dos Hermanos, a Mexican market in Ypsilanti that carries an amazing array of delicious goods. I thought their tacos were the best – small fresh tortillas with spicy beans and pico de gallo. After several other places that fell somewhere in between both geographically and in terms of their food, we arrived at La Fiesta Mexicana, a restaurant I know and love right near Depot Town. They served a delicious potato taco in a freshly fried (and thus hard shell) tortilla. Anything that has been recently fried is delicious, which I thought gave them a rather unfair advantage in the voting.

Finally, we headed back toward the start of the ride and united at the Corner Brewery for some chips and salsa beer brewed specially for the Taco Tour. It was not delicious. Alicia rightly suspected that it would be awful and ordered one of our old standbys. I made her share with me, and help me drink my small glass of really spicy beer. I’ve concluded that beer should not be spicy. It is not refreshing to have your drink leave a hot burning taste in your mouth, especially when you can’t bring yourself to eat something salty with it because you’ve already eaten six tacos…

It was a great day, and we left with spoke cards and t-shirts to show off around town.

Baby Bunnies

My neighbor pointed me in the direction of these tiny bunnies yesterday morning, though my ability to take good photos was hampered by my dying camera. You can still tell how cute they are though! Later in the day I only saw two of them hopping around the grass. I’m choosing to believe that the others found a less conspicuous hiding place…

Does balance exist?

A year or two ago I overheard two faculty members discussing the start of another busy semester.  One said to the other “Every semester I think it will get better, but it never seems to.  I find myself with just as much work, even though I vowed to cut back.”  This is a bit of a paraphrase, but you get the idea.  These were not junior faculty.  They were not disorganized faculty.  They were not unaccomplished faculty.  In fact, they were the kind of faculty I aspire to be when I grow up.  Which brings us to today’s question: is balance between work and family/life/play really possible?  The answer has to be yes, but at what cost?

Some doctors I’ve spoken with choose to prioritize their lives outside of clinical work, and often make conscious decisions to be excellent clinicians while acknowledging that they will neither be experts in their field, nor will they publish papers about their work.  They see patients, often in generalist clinics, enjoy their work, and lead happy lives.

Others, who hold both research and clinical positions, manage a small generalist clinical practice while engaging in collaborative research projects.  They are able to prioritize their lives, but often at the expense of being organized and having a sense of control over their lives.  This is my sense, at least, looking in from the outside. 

Few even manage to truly escape for a few days or a few weeks in the summer and really rest and recharge with family and friends.  Returning to the “real world” after that seems almost impossible however, and things are missed. 

Nearly everyone that I’ve talked to has struggled with balancing their work lives (whether research based, clinical, or some combination their of) with their personal lives.  The two options I’ve described above are simply two strategies for carving out time.  It’s clear to me that the hours in the day are finite, and that the opportunity costs of any choice are high.  I suppose what it comes down to in the end, however, are priorities.  Where do expertise and prestige fall in comparison to sleep?  How do children and home life compare with patients and paperwork?  What kinds of work are reimbursed in what ways, and how does that limit the choices we make?  Are there other rewards that motivate us beyond fame and fortune?  Apart from family and friends?

There is no easy answer, and I’m finding this term as difficult as any other.  What must unite us all, however, is that we keep struggling.

Really?

Today:

11-12 Lunch with students

1-2 Discussion

3-5 Coffee time with students

5-6 Meeting about the class

6-6:30 Meeting about my observed class time

?:??-?:?? My work

The first day of fall…

The tiniest tinge of fall color...

Having googled autumnal equinox, I’ve discovered that fall in the Northern Hemisphere actually began at 5:19am this morning. The link will lead you to an enthralling National Geographic discussion of what equinoxes are, and will also explain that “the true days of day-night equality always fall after the autumnal equinox and before the vernal, or spring, equinox…”

Official or no, it does NOT feel like fall. Last week we had some lovely crisp days and chilly nights. This week, it has been muggy, thunderstormy, and terrible – it’s like we are getting the bit of July that we missed earlier in the summer. Temperatures are forecasted to be in the upper 70s and low 80s this week, but I’m hopeful that it will cool down after this.

Tour de Troit

As promised, Alicia and I rode in the Tour de Troit today. Aside from a little frustration due to a riders angering our police escort by riding on the wrong side of the road, and some slowdowns due to who-knows-what, it was wonderful. The weather couldn’t have been better, and we both had a great time!


The ride started in front of the old train depot – long abandoned, and tragically empty-looking. I’ve heard that there are talks about how to best use the space, and I hope that they are able to keep the original building intact and repurpose the structure as it stands.


We rode through a lot of different neighborhoods, guided by the numbered list of sights to see on our map of the route. Notable among them were Corktown, the Ambassador Bridge, the Heidelberg Project and the remains of the old Tiger Stadium. It was sad to see how empty so much of the city is, even on a Saturday afternoon, but there were a decent number of folks out watching the riders. I heard that there were 1800-2000 riders today, which is amazing!


About halfway through the ride (~17 miles), we stopped at F. Gabriel Richard Park, which is right across from Belle Isle. It seemed a lovely symmetry, given that we started our summer of Detroit biking around that lovely little island. We ended the ride (~30 miles) back at Roosevelt Park (outside the train depot), loaded the bikes back into the car, and had lunch courtesy of a number of restaurants in Southwest Detroit – Organaman’s Catering (delicious burrito – sorry, no website) and Moo Moo’s (black bean patty and corn/something salsa).

Overall, it was a great day, and a fitting finale to our Summer of Detroit.

Really the end of the summer of Detroit

With a few last hurrahs, Alicia and I are winding down our summer of Detroit. We’ve enjoyed it a great deal, and are likely to continue with Detroit through the seasons as long as we are in Ann Arbor. I don’t think that enough folks really take advantage of all of the cool stuff that goes on in the D…

Here’s what we’ve been up to:

Ra Ra Riot: They are an awesome band out of Brooklyn, and they happen to be playing at the Polish Festival in Hamtramck over Labor Day Weekend. While definitely not the same as the City of Detroit, Hamtramck is entirely within the city limits of Detroit, so I think it counts well enough. We’ve been pretty liberal with our definition of “summer of Detroit” thus far, including Grosse Pointe, so I think this still fits. Anyway, I hadn’t heard much about this band before Alicia mentioned them (nothing new there), but they had a really great and tiny cellist, which I always admire. I even took a photo with her – she is super tiny!

Matt and Kim: Another Brooklyn band, another great concert. This one was at the Magic Stick, a smaller venue attached to the Majestic Theater right on Woodward Ave. It was especially exciting to see them right after the Video Music Awards, at which they won an award for their amazing video streaking through Times Square. The show was great and the crowd was crazy, though it made me wish even more than Michigan would go smoke free. It just seems wrong that someone could just stand next to you inside a really crowded venue and smoke. Keep your fingers crossed and contact your legislator!

Tour de Troit: This event is still upcoming. On Saturday, Alicia and I will be riding in this 30 mile ride around the fair city of Detroit. This ride has been going on since at least 2002, and they always have really amazing routes. I’m looking forward to getting to see a new part of the city (or a familiar part from a different vantage point). I’m a little nervous about the mileage, as I’ve been off the bike a bit. I’ve been riding this week though, and 30 miles isn’t too bad, so with any luck I’ll just be a bit sore the following day!

Day 1

Classes haven’t started, but I had my first day of proficiency exams and orientation meetings for my GSI (graduate student instructor, or TA for those of you at institutions that use that acronym) position.  It was a little crazy, going from not really having spoken Spanish in a while to interacting almost exclusively in Spanish all day.  It was a bit of a transition, and I was definitely “cometiendo errores” all day…  Thankfully I was examining others on their proficiency and not being examined. 

For those of you not in the know, I am teaching the discussion section of an advanced introductory Spanish course this semester.  This means that I’m not teaching grammar and vocabulary (they have that in the mornings), but that I’m helping them navigate readings, essays, and other activities to help them immerse themselves in the language.  I also have lunch with them a few times a week and attend several coffee chats during the semester, at all of which I will engage them in lively chatter exclusively en espa~nol.  (The ~ is the closest I seem to be able to get…  Sorry…) 

I’m pretty excited, though I know that it is going to be a lot of work.  I have enjoyed my previous teaching positions, and this one has the added benefit of qualitative evaluations rather than letter grades.  I teach 4 days a week, but so far it’s fun.  The faculty who run the course are dedicated and interesting, so I anticipate having an exciting semester. 

Hasta pronto!

Cupcakes (and a wedding)

Last weekend, Alicia’s mom got married. It was really beautiful and everyone had a great time. True to form, my favorite part was the dessert. A wonderful friend of the family had made an array of delicious cupcakes that were so wonderful and beautiful. They were stunning to look at, and even more stunning to eat!

Actually, my favorite part of the wedding may have been meeting Bud, Alicia’s grandfather. As a public health and medical student, I spend a lot of time learning about everything that can go wrong as a person ages. We discuss at length the isolation and difficulty that can accompany reaching the mature age of 89 (if one reaches it at all!), but often forget that there are lots of dynamic and active older folks who should inspire us all to get moving and keep our senses of humor. Bud is one of these! Still hilarious (at least I thought so – he tells people he would be 90 but he was sick for a year), still golfing, and still catching a ride with a nephew to see his daughter get married, I’d be pretty happy if I were doing as well as he is when I get to his age. I don’t know what the lesson is here, but I’m convinced there is one. Maybe it’s that laughing keeps you young. Maybe it’s that we need to raise our expectations for the later years: absence of disease is not necessarily health. Maybe it’s that articulating the lesson doesn’t matter, just keep laughing, eating cupcakes and living your life.

Did someone hit "whir”?

I know that it feels like fall outside.  It’s been cool and crisp, and I can see tiny bits of brown and red on the edges of the still green leaves, but it is only September 1.  That’s practically still August, which everyone knows is decidedly not fall.  In spite of this, things seem to be ramping up quickly.  Working through my various e-mails this morning I had the distinct feeling that on the little blender that is my life, someone hit the “whir” button.  Suddenly there are September bills, preparation for school starting again, and clear evidence in my e-mail that everyone is back from their summer breaks and ready to get going… 

Time for a few deep breaths, and then a big one before diving in.

Amazing salad

I read about Mark Bittman’s simple summer salads on a blog I follow, and I was motivated to find the list for myself. The list of 101 Simple Summer Salads appears on the NYTimes website as part of “The Minimalist” column. So far, I have made salads #1, #2, #6, #14, #21, #23, #33, and #40. None of them have been bad, and some of them have been truly amazing. I would definitely put salad #2 at the absolute top of the list. The text describing this salad reads:

2. Mix wedges of tomatoes and peaches, add slivers of red onion, a few red-pepper flakes and cilantro. Dress with olive oil and lime or lemon juice. Astonishing.

I never thought I’d describe a salad as astonishing, but it was incredible. Simply amazing!

(I adjusted the exposure and contrast on this photo after taking it... Both of the bright photos I got were blurry.)

Discovered something cool

I’ve started tracking the length of my knitting…  It’s in the sidebar!

You can get your own at www.knitmeter.com! 

Getting ready for fall?

It’s hard to believe it’s already August 21.  Really hard to believe…  The summers always seem to go slowly at the beginning, while I figure out what I’m doing for the summer and really get started, and then go so quickly at the end. 

This year was a little bit different because of prelims.  I had a wonderful two weeks of writing and doing little else.  (The little else is what made it wonderful – I had totally blocked off that two weeks to work and discovered that when I’m not engaged with 12 million other tasks, I quite enjoy my work and some time off when it’s done.)  After that I realized just how fried I was after all of the grading and prelim prep of the winter semester, and spent a while trying to work but not accomplishing anything, and then another little while working on my various summer projects.  After I got my prelim rewrite I discovered the negative of having prepared for the whole semester leading up to it: I had absolutely zero desire to ever see the document again.  Having overcome that (but wasted a lot of time trying to work in the meantime), I finished the rewrite.  I was finally starting to get productive again when I was struck down with the flu (as I posted earlier).  Ironically (though unsurprisingly to everyone who knows me), this bug was actually exactly what I needed.  I slept, read complete novels and memoires in mere days, slept more, and drank lots of fluids.  Even though I was tired and physically ill, I felt great emotionally!  Once I was able to walk around again (and dropped that lovely hacking cough), I got back to work, but that was only a few weeks ago.  I’ve been getting things done since then, and can hardly believe how the summer seems to have flown.

I suppose, in retrospect, that this summer really is no different from previous ones.  The formula tends to be:

1. get totally burned out during winter semester
2. pretend not to be burned out and attempt to work at the beginning of the summer
3. recognize burnout and relax a bit, maybe even take a vacation
4. get ready for fall because it’s almost here

Someday I’ll learn, and maybe even avoid the burnout, but I doubt it…  It doesn’t seem to be in my nature.  

Fun in Ann Arbor

Here are Alicia and I enjoying ourselves at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase.

Sometimes I find myself getting a little down on Ann Arbor. This is the beginning of our ninth year here, and it’s not that big a town. That said, there is more to do here than I give it credit for. We went for their open mic night, not sure of what we’d find. It was definitely worth the $5 ticket (and the $2.75 bottomless popcorn). They schedule the evening well, with the newer folks toward the beginning and more experienced folks toward the end. Everyone was pretty good, and we had a nice time. They also host touring comics who are often quite hilarious – we’ve seen a few folks there – and I’d recommend checking out the schedule when you’re in town.

Back to the blog

I haven’t posted here in a long time, but I’m coming back.  I still post on the medical school blog, but I feel strange posting my random thoughts and ramblings on the medical school’s admission’s website.  I’ll try to transfer my old posts over to this site (and back-date them!), but everything new will go here. 

Welcome back!

Not even the cool kind…

Where I’ve been recovering for the past few days, with the thinly veiled dog hiding from the camera.

I’ve been home sick for the past few days, and I think that I’ve actually had the flu. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, as I had a flu shot back in the fall, and it’s not really flu season any more, but when it all started happening there didn’t seem to be any other explanation. On Wednesday, I woke up with what seemed like an oddly fast-progressing cold. I didn’t have any head congestion, just this cough and crazy fatigue. The next day, it continued, and I cancelled my blood donation and lunch with a pregnant friend in the interest of not exposing them to my bizarre cold. When I called the Red Cross to find out whether I could still donate, I was asked whether I had a fever. I glibly said no, but after hanging up realized I hadn’t actually taken my temperature – turns out it was actually just below 100 degrees F. Now, in all fairness this is a low grade fever. And it only got a little higher over the following few days. But it seemed so odd for a cold.

Like any good public health student, I hopped onto the CDC website to check out their info on flu and colds. The fever, rapid onset cough, tiredness, and lack of other congestion pointed me toward the possibility that I actually had influenza. At that point, I started to get excited. Could I have swine flu, I asked myself? I was on a plane from Washington DC just a few days before I got sick, so this bug could have come from anywhere. I read further on the website, however, and it became clear that without the diarrhea and vomiting that seemed to accompany swine flu, it was unlikely that that’s what I was experiencing. I have to admit, I felt a bit cheated. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy over the past few days and I’d hoped that if I had to go through this, I would at least come out with a great conversation starter – “How was your summer?” “Oh, you know, okay, but I did have swine flu.” Alas, I simply seem to have had a mild flu strain that took me down when I was most vulnerable (read: tired).

As I write this, it’s Saturday, and the worst part of having this is missing BeerFest, an amazing event happening in Ypsilanti this afternoon. Alicia is there with some friends, but I’m doing my best to maintain my house quarantine (only for 5 days rather than 40). If I had to have a flu, couldn’t it at least have been the cool kind?

More summer of Detroit

We’d talked about going out of town for the 4^th of July, but it just didn’t seem realistic after I’d been gone three out of four weekends in June, and we’d both been gone the weekend before, boarding the dog at the vet to head out to Minnesota for my aunt’s wedding. I was drained from all of the traveling, and we felt like it was unfair to leave the dog with the vet again, even though he seems to have a great time and is never sad to head back. In light of all of this, instead of heading out of town we headed into town.

We actually started our day in St. Clair Shores, which is distinctly not Detroit. It is a distant suburb on the eastern edge of the state that has a lovely shoreline. We brought out our bikes, and followed our guidebook on a bike ride through “the Pointes” – the 5 Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit – to the edge of Detroit and back again. It was eye opening. We worked our way through the neighborhoods, admiring the beautiful homes and wondering at the landscaping. When we hit Detroit, the contrast was stark. We went from ritzy shopping and restaurants to slightly more artsy and eclectic shopping and restaurants, still with lots of traffic, both on foot, bicycle, and in car, to abandoned buildings, industrial looking complexes, and silence. I’m still not sure I understand how that happens – clearly the people who patronize those businesses on the edge of Grosse Pointe could also support businesses on the edge of Detroit that is less than 50 yards away. And yet it clearly isn’t happening? Is it zoning? Is it habit?

After that puzzling loop, we headed back up through Grosse Pointe, this time along the waterfront, which was beautiful. (And again, no less beautiful than the waterfront on the Detroit part, but apparently somehow different.) The roads were beautifully maintained and apart from the somewhat frequent stoplights, we thoroughly enjoyed our ride. Returning to St. Clair Shores, we were hungry! The bike book recommended Steve’s Back Room for Middle Eastern food, and it did not disappoint. Two delicious sandwiches later we were ready to keep going.

From there we headed to the New Center area near the Fisher Building for Cityfest. There was live music, tons of food, and vendors set up along the streets. We enjoyed the people watching and also browsed at the various booths. I also found CityKnits, the knit shop located inside the Fisher Building, which is a beautiful shop. I knew it existed (having received gifts that had been purchased there), but hadn’t been in. They were friendly and had a great selection. Had I not been budgeting as well, I definitely would have picked up a souvenir. (There was also a yarn shop near the Detroit edge of Grosse Pointe that I’d like to go back to on a day that isn’t a national holiday…) We walked around a bit more, and then sat down to watch a team performing their amazing bike/in-line skate/skateboard tricks.

With high hopes that Detroit will become a hotbed of cycling activity, we headed home for the day. We had a great ride, and are determined to find more ride routes that are actually in Detroit!

Seeing the sights

One of these days I’m going to have to go to Washington DC with no agenda other than seeing the monuments, visiting the museums, and generally basking in the historical glow that seems to permeate the city. On my latest foray through the nation’s capitol (this past weekend), I was once again heading for an AMSA meeting. I saw a bit of the city as we flew over it, and then promptly took the shuttle from IAD to the hotel in one of the somewhat creepily planned suburbs near the AMSA office. I didn’t have nigh hopes for seeing the city, as I’d seen the 8am-9pm meeting agenda already.

We did get to head into the city on Saturday night though, and in a new departure from the usual bar-themed evening outings, we went to see some of the monuments. Complications of time and trying to meet up with folks meant that we didn’t see many, but those that we did were brilliantly lit, and beautiful. First we saw the George Mason monument. We were skeptical at first, but after seeing some really beautiful quotes about the equality of all people and the evils of slavery, we were converted. At that point we all wanted pictures with George – the results are shown above. We also saw the Jefferson and FDR monuments. Jefferson was a classic man-in-a-set-of-columns monument, but was nonetheless inspiring. Reading the words of thoughtful and interesting men is inspiring and motivating. The FDR memorial was less typical, and I think I would have enjoyed it more had it not been rapidly approaching midnight. I thought the waterfall and reflecting pool were beautiful (not surprising as I love water), and I was assured that the rest of the monument was also striking, but was too tired to make it through.

Seeing the mall lit up for the evening was a wonderful break from a long meeting, and made me wish I could see more.

Summer of Detroit

Alicia and I biking on Belle Isle

A few years back Alicia and I decided to have a summer of ice cream. We weren’t necessarily planning to eat more ice cream than usual, but we wanted to branch out a bit and try places we hadn’t previously considered. We stuck to the greater Ann Arbor area, trying Kilwin’s, Washtenaw Dairy, both Stucchi’s, and Dairy Queen, as well as the notable Ice Scapes - a fabulous place for soft serve and Italian ices located inside an old Jack-in-the-Box building. I learned yesterday that Ice Scapes is apparently now closed, and mourned the loss for a few moments. At any rate, we had a great time - we had a lot of fun exploring Ann Arbor and we both love ice cream. This summer, we have another plan. We’re hoping to have a summer of Detroit. We both grew up in the Detroit metro area, and have been going to events (sports, music, theater, etc) downtown as long as we can remember. There are things we haven’t done though, and places we haven’t explored that we’ve been talking about for years. Don’t let anyone tell you there’s nothing to do in Detroit, or that it’s dangerous. There is, and it’s not! Spending lots of time at the DIA, visiting MoCAD when they have new exhibitions, shopping at Eastern Market, looking for new places to eat, and riding the bike routes in Detroit are all things we’ve talked about doing, but often in the middle of the week in the middle of winter when we have neither time nor daylight in which to do any of them. This summer, we’re doing them all.

We started a few weeks ago with a bike trip around Belle Isle. I’m pretty out of shape, so it had to be a fairly gentle ride, making Belle Isle the perfect destination. It’s pretty flat, gives a lovely view of both Detroit and Windsor, and is only about a 5-6 mile loop all the way around. We did it twice, and then had a picnic lunch on the river. The park was designed by the same person who created Central Park in NYC, and all of the buildings are beautiful. It’s clear that there isn’t enough money going into the city - the zoo is closed and some things look a little shabby - but it’s a nice ride and the bathrooms seemed much more well-maintained than the guidebook would have suggested. Making sure our summer of Detroit was off to an awesome start, we headed to the (relatively-) newly redesigned DIA to check it out. It is, as all previous reports have indicated, wonderful. They’ve moved things around, arranging them thematically in a way that makes sense to someone without an art history degree, and added lots of informational placards that narrate the entire experience. I really enjoyed it, and am hoping to go back soon. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the summer holds…

Recovering from prelims

The dog has been instrumental in my burn-out recovery plan. He is very willing to go outside with me whenever I wish, and will play or snuggle at almost any time of day.

I realized that there hadn’t been enough cute pictures of the dog featured in the blog lately… This post is an attempt to remedy that.

Everyone told me that it would be difficult to get back into the swing of things after prelims. I half-heartedly believed them, ever convinced that I would only need a weekend break before I could get started on my summer plans. In spite of my vast experience with being burned out at the end of the semester, and should have extrapolated that knowledge to guess how I would feel after finishing a busy semester and then taking a stressful two week exam.

In spite of wholly underestimating the required recovery time after my prelims, I think I’m ready to get back to work now. I’ve had a few weeks of “working” while actually reading a lot of the New York Times, knitting, watching movies, walking the dog, and listening to podcasts I’d neglected for most of the month of May. I felt excited about getting some work done yesterday for the first time in a while, and I’m pretty pleased. I think this summer will be a productive one, and I’m also looking forward to getting some intense knitting and reading time. Yay!

Moving on, when everyone else is moving out…

Graduation is such an exciting time. After match day, when everyone finds out what that magical algorithm has in store for them for the next stage of their lives, most of the fourth years have a fairly easy coast to graduation. They need the rest to prepare for the internship that starts relatively shortly thereafter! Watching my class walk across the stage was really inspiring, realizing that they are actually doctors now, and will be residents in a few short weeks. It was also inspiring in another way - I’m ready to move on too! Unlike the other bloggers who’ve been here for four years, I won’t be graduating this year. As an MD/PhD student, it’s likely that I have another 4 years left before anyone will be calling me doctor. I’m certainly not the only one - there are lots of other MSTPs, and the other folks who took 1-2 years off for an MPH, MBA, MPP, an international internship, or a variety of other reasons (research and babies being the two that come immediately to mind) were all sitting in the seats with me, cheering on our classmates as they walked up the stairs, “got hooded” (I swear that’s what people say) with their green velvet-lined hoods, had their names called (“Dr. So-and So”), and accepted a diploma. “But isn’t it depressing?” you ask, as you realize how much time I have left, noting perhaps as I have, that I will be an M3 with this year’s incoming class.

In truth, it’s not depressing. Match day was a little rough, as it became increasingly clear that there was no way to head out to some exciting new place until I finished what I’d started, but since then I’ve been reflecting on why I’m still here. I was certain that I wanted to do this, as were most of the other folks who’ve gotten other degrees, spent substantial time doing research, or had babies. Though that certainty is invariably tested with statements along the lines of “if only I hadn’t [insert whatever here] I would be a doctor today,” overall I haven’t done much questioning. Graduation fell right in the middle of prelims, and a little circumspection was just what I needed. I realized that I really love what I’m doing, but that I want to be as efficient as possible so that I can keep going with the plan, and with my life. Notice I didn’t say “get going” or “get started,” but rather “keep going.” I think most of us who’ve taken time off would tell you that we’re not putting off getting started, we’re just running a longer race.

Spring things…

Every doctoral program has a different kind of preliminary exam. There are lock-you-in-a-room-while-you-answer-essay-question exams, theory prompts, oral presentations, proposal drafts, and combinations of all of the above. My department gives us two weeks to write two large papers - one theory/conceptual paper and one proposal. Although this isn’t a ton of fun, I have to give them credit and acknowledge that I have spent the last few months really digging in and getting ready, and now that it’s almost over, I feel pretty good. (I felt especially good after entering the majority of my references into the formatting software - so tedious…) I’ll feel better on Friday when I hand it in, and then, hopefully, I’ll forget about it until it’s time to get it back.

While I’ve been working on my prelim, I’ve been doing lots of other things. I’ve discovered that I can’t write for 14 hours a day, and even sleeping 10 hours a night (which I’m not really doing anyway) that leaves a decent amount of time for other pursuits. My most recent is planting little herb seedlings in my various pots and planters. Jake got me a Chia herb garden for Christmas, and I planted the little seeds in February or March. They’ve been thriving in their tiny clay pots, but I realized that you can’t really expect 15 basil plants to peacefully coexist in a 2.5” container. So I pulled out some empty pots from the closet and I am now the happy container gardener of 14 basil seedlings, 4 baby parsley plants, some rather tragic looking cilantro, and the most delicate looking little mass of marjoram seedlings (still in the clay pot). I think I probably need some more containers to really do it justice, and I’m simply thrilled. Even if I lose a few (which I inevitably will), I’ve got high hopes for pesto and tabouli later this year. And they are so cute, with their tiny little leaves.

Back to work…

National Conference of Physician Scholars in the Social Sciences and Humanities

Michelle at the singular ATM in Philadelphia International Airport

I finally found where all of the cool MD/PhDs find one another! After a (very) chance encounter with an MD/PhD in the RWJ Clinical Scholars program here at Michigan, who did her PhD in the History and Sociology of Science, I was directed to the following website:

http://scholarsinmedicine.blogspot.com/

I promptly called Michelle, the other MSTP in Public Health, to tell her of this amazing find. We agreed that we should try to go, and that submitting something jointly might allow us to make the deadline that was coming up in just a few short days. We pulled together our network analysis paper, and they asked us to give a talk! Having secured a presentation slot, we subsequently applied for (and received) funding from Rackham to attend the conference in Philly. Yay!

We thought we were set, and Michelle took care of making hotel arrangements and all of that. We knew it was a short train ride from the airport into town, and were excited to see a bit of Philadelphia. We got off the plane even a bit early, and thought we were off to a great start. Enter Philadelphia International Airport. After leaving security and going down to the train stop, we discovered that you cannot buy tickets before you get on the train at the airport, and you must have cash in order to buy tickets on the train. This combined with the lack of an ATM anywhere near the train made things much more complicated than they really should have been. We trekked back up past the sleeping information desk attendant and asked the security guard where we might find an ATM. She told us we’d have to go down a few terminals (what!?!) in order to find one. We mostly believed her, and started walking.

We stopped another friendly-looking airport employee, who directed us to the check-in kiosks one floor down. Pleased to have circumvented the long walk, we headed down the escalators. Only to find that there was not an ATM. There was a white information phone, however, and I called to see where we might actually find an ATM. The kind gentleman on the phone said that baggage claim was the closest. (Note: When we were at the train stop, we were about 30 seconds from the baggage claim. At this point we were retracing about 10 minutes of walking.) We set out for the baggage claim.

Upon arriving at the baggage claim, we seemed to have hit another dead end. We looked around a bit, and asked another attendant. He said that there wasn’t one in this terminal, and that we would have to walk to terminal B. This echoed the advice of the first security guard 20 minutes before. Somewhat dejected, we headed outside (into the warmth that was Philly) and made the left turn he had instructed. As we walked, we realized that there were no outdoor signs indicating which terminal was which. This was like some kind of sick joke. We kept waiting for the some kind of candid camera-like people to jump out, laugh at us, and produce an ATM out of nowhere. Sadly this did not occur.

From the outside of one of the terminals, we saw a public transportation desk. This seemed promising, and we waited for her to finish dealing with a slightly-less-friendly client. When we asked about the train, she informed us that we would need to buy tickets on the train and that we couldn’t buy them there. We asked where we might get cash, and she said in terminal B. We asked her where we were, and how we might get to terminal B. Turns out we were headed in the right direction… We kept walking, and finally reached the promised ATM. Above you can see Michelle rejoicing after our 30 minute hunt was over. We were just in time for the next train, and the rest of the trip was much less eventful.

The conference itself was fantastic. I got to meet and chat with all kinds of other MD/PhD students, and some who have gotten through the program and have jobs! It was inspiring, and all of the talks were great. I knit a bunch, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. Now, it’s time to get back to work… There’s always more grading, more prelim preparation, and work for my classes.

So much reading, so little time…

I’m convinced that the experience of being overwhelmed is the same in any field: one day you’re completely on top of the to-do lists, the post-its, the schedule; the next you’ve fallen to the bottom and can hardly see the light through the little yellow sheets. As a chronic over-committer, I’ve been overwhelmed at various points throughout my life. I was overwhelmed with school work and extracurricular activities in high school, with courses and activism in college, and with studying, student organizations, and having a relationship in medical school. Now, as a graduate student, I find myself overwhelmed once again. At the end of last term, I was looking forward to this one as a semester of ease. I had only registered for two classes (though I was hoping to attend four) in addition to teaching and preparing for prelims. Though I constantly feel like I am saying no and stepping-down out of high-commitment positions, my life seems to have a knack for filling itself.

This semester, I blame it on prelims. In retrospect, I recognize any event that is widely defined as the most horrible part of any doctoral program could not be easy. Looking back, I see that the short papers I had crafted “in preparation” were laughable in their lack of rigor and data. Reflecting on it, the amount of work that remains to be done before May is daunting at best and impossible at worst. And yet here I am, reading like my life depends on it and trying to sleep/stay sane.

I suppose the lesson in this for any prospective student (or any student really) is that it never gets easier. It gets different, and hopefully it gets more interesting, but it doesn’t get easier. The further along you go, the more there is to do. And, fortunately or unfortunately, the further along you go, the fewer people there are to tell you to get it done. I’ll leave you to think on that while I go and do the one thing that I never struggle to complete: snuggling the dog…

I was there…

It seems almost dated to write a post about the inauguration now, but I’m going to do it anyway. It will be short, because life is crazy right now, but it will be here.

We drove out to DC to see our new president sworn in. We sat in the car for 9 hours on the way there Monday night, on a bus for 20 minutes on the way to the subway Tuesday morning, stood in the Metro station for 45 minutes, and then in the Metro for approximately an hour before we were even close. Then, we walked with the hordes of people toward the mall. We were right near the Washington Monument. Apparently most of my friends were also “right there” but shockingly I didn’t see anyone I knew. It was amazing. My favorite part was seeing the kids there - they had little or no idea what they were seeing (depending on their ages), but I know they’ll be able to look back on it and recognize what a historic day it was. I know that some people weren’t impressed with President Obama’s speech, but to me it was a lovely list of things I’d been wishing/dreaming that our country would do during the last 8 years, but never quite got around to actually doing. (Actually, we willfully did the opposite of many of them, but nevermind - I’m hopeful…)

I think that’s all - I have more reading to do and I’m tired, but I wanted to check this one thing off of my to-do list.

Finding a Community

Sometimes wandering into a meeting to which you have not been invited can be a great way to meet people… Yesterday I happened by a meeting that had paused and went in to say hello to a friend. Most serendipitously, she introduced me to a colleague. This colleague is an MD, PhD and works on social science questions! I knew these kinds of people existed, you know, people like me only further along and with real jobs, but until yesterday I was somewhat convinced that they were a highly ephemeral, difficult to track down, and perhaps even dwindling group. Through this chance meeting, however, I discovered a whole conference dedicated to MD/PhD students working in the social sciences and the humanities (http://scholarsinmedicine.blogspot.com). I was so excited yesterday that I even drafted an abstract to submit as a potential poster or presentation at the conference! (I also called the other social science MD/PhD at Michigan and we are jointly submitting the abstract for the paper we worked on last semester.)

In retrospect (even just one day later), this all seems like a fairly small thing. Yet, in reality, it’s huge. I’ve written before about how the MSTP retreats are like a vacation from explaining why I’m going to be in school until I’m 30. It is really refreshing to be able to discuss your work and your program with people who truly understand. This conference holds to potential to be a vacation from explaining why not only am I going to be in school until I’m 30 but that I’m not doing my PhD in a basic science lab and that’s why I’m still a pre-candidate instead of a candidate like the rest of my class, why I’m still taking classes, and why it’s crazily more difficult to get funding. I can’t even describe how wonderful this will be.

No matter what kind of program/job/set of life circumstances you’re in, having a community who understands you is critical. Often, we’re left cobbling together people who understand little parts of our lives - the school friends, the family friends, the yoga friends, etc. Occasionally, we meet a few people, or find a place where we truly feel like we fit in. My advice to you: hold on to those people, and hang out in those places. When you are feeling low, these are the people who will bring you up.

Holidaze...

Wrapping paper is one of my favorite parts of the holidays...

The further along I get in grad school, the more I feel like I need breaks, and the less it seems like I'm really allowed to take them.

In my last meeting with my advisor, she strongly encouraged me to do some of the prep work for my prelim "before the holiday." I thought this sounded great, but failed to consider that I would be writing 4 final papers during that time (a total of approximately 70 pages of text and some absolutely pain-staking tables for my stats paper) and dealing with a level of burn-out I hadn't encountered since studying for boards. Suffice it to say I did not get much done before my exams were finished (exams used loosely here, only to mean important assignments that happen at the end of the term). This left only my "break" between December 19 and January 7 in which to complete this preparation. It¿s been a little rough.

Immediately following my exams, I entered what I somewhat-less-than-fondly call the post-exam ADD period. It's during this 1.5-2 days in which I feel a more sincere form of empathy than I'd ever thought possible with individuals who suffer from ADD and ADHD, as well as potentially those who suffer from coming down from highly addictive drugs, from manic episodes, and from insomnia. During this time, I cognitively acknowledge that I need a break from school work, but am unable to actually relax. I am fidgety (much more so than usual), unable to focus on anything, and often end up compulsively cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, and purchasing groceries. (Note that these last three items often rise to the top of the compulsive to do list because I have not done them since exams began 3-4 weeks earlier.) In addition to running around my apartment like some kind of hamster on a wheel, I am unable to sleep, cry periodically, and am generally horrible to be around. This is not the time for accomplishing great things. It is the time for accomplishing all of the small things that have accumulated around the apartment for the last month.

As the post-exam horror begins to fade, I can usually negotiate a peaceful time of quiet accomplishment - getting a little reading done, sleeping more than usual, knitting, but also doing some work. Not so this year. I have been unable to sleep through the night since I started trying to sleep during the night (after exams ended) and as a result am sleeping sporadically during the day (napping, if you will). Though these naps provide much needed rest, they are also profoundly disorienting, as I'm unable to restrict myself to the not-long-enough-to-be-disorienting-but-long-enough-to-be-restful 20 minute siesta. Instead, I find myself sleeping for 2 hours between 8am and 10am and wholly thrown off for the rest of the day. You see, one of my rules for break is that when Alicia gets home from work, I chat with her, and watch movies, and knit, and have fun, since (in theory) I have done some work during the day and deserve to enjoy part of my break. I have been pulling off the evening schedule pretty well (and will share some movies I have seen this break later), but not so much the getting work done during the day. I have been sucked into blogs, stared out the window, stretched out on the couch with the dog, and continued to clean the apartment, as well as doing ~50 paltry pages of reading over the last few weeks. This is unsettling to me, and even as I try to convince myself that I really just need a break, it's hard for me to buy. What I really need is to find a balance between assuaging my deep-seated fear that I will fail my prelim at the end of this term and releasing all of the tension from last semester. Also finding funding and health insurance for next summer¿ To top things off my yoga teacher is out of town and the sub last week was like a pilates/synchronized-swimming/aerobics instructor. Welcome to the holidaze...

Walter!

Walter and Alicia in the back seat on the way home from Walter's foster family.

We've welcomed a lovely new member of our family into our home. His name is Walter and he is a 2-3 year old Boston Terrier. We adopted him from the Midwest Boston Terrier Rescue on Sunday and have been having fun with him since then. He's quite a bright little dog, and we've had a pretty easy time getting him used to our house.

So far, one of the most exciting aspects of dog ownership (apart from the joy of carrying a little baggie of dog poop in your coat pocket, of course) is that he somehow learned to do this army crawl-type move. He does it when he's stretching in the mornings, or when he's trying to be very good (and thus stay laying down) and also get toward something (like his ball). It hilarious... He stretches his back legs out completely behind him and moves forward with his front legs. At some point we'll catch it on video and post it for everyone to enjoy.

Time to go for a walk!

Hoping...

Apologies for the long gap between posts. I should be writing a paper right now, so this is short...

We are finally adopting a dog... It is an exciting process, and we're most of the way toward adopting Walter. We have our home visit tonight (I know, it seems crazy, but they want these rescue dogs in good homes), and then I think we should get to adopt him. I still don't know when we'll pick him up (assuming the home visit goes well). Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Can we vote on your marriage now?

Me in DC at the Marriage Equality Rally with my sign

I have mixed feelings about gay marriage.I don't like that it has taken the focus off of issues like employment and housing discrimination that I think are a lot more pressing for our community than the right to marry. I don't like the thought of a "gay movement" that seems to be a movement of middle-aged, wealthy, white men and women, where it seems that men are directing many of the efforts, and transgender people are completely left out of the dialogue. I don't think that the government should be in the business of recognizing relationships at all, and so find it difficult to argue my way into an institution that I think should be wholly left to individual families and religious institutions. I don't want my ability to be the legal parent of my child, or the health insurance status of my family, to depend on what I chose to call my relationship with my partner.

And yet, while I busily list the things I don't like or support about the idea of gay marriage, I am quickly brought back to reality. The reality is that right now, gay marriage has taken on the symbolism of equality of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people. Someday, when I can call the shots, the government will get out of the business of recognizing marriages and can simply recognize the legal documents I create to define my civil contracts. Until that point, however, having the right to marry is the only way to really ensure that my kids will have two parents, that my partner can inherit my (even minimal) stuff in the event that I die, and that she will receive Social Security benefits after my death. There are also a million other benefits that I think should probably come with citizenship, but actually only come with marriage. Unfortunately, that makes marriage important.

Finally, and for me this was particularly frustrating, it just seems wrong to give people rights and then take them away. The California Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriages were required by the constitution so that everyone would be equally protected under the law. This was really exciting, and lots of people got married. Now their marriages are being taken away? Few things illustrate the tragedy of this as poignantly as Judith Warner's blog entry.

So I conclude with this: I have mixed feelings about marriage but I support it anyway, and I hope you'll join me. People should be free to have their families legally recognized and supported.

Snow

Amid weather predictions calling for lots of "wintery mix" and other unsightly weather conditions, I hoped for the best. I did have to brave a little bit of freezing rain the other day, but it's all worth it for the early fall snow. There are still some bright red and yellow leaves left on the trees and the ground, and the snow just makes everything look sparkly. Granted, it would be more sparkly if the sun would shine, but we can't expect miracles, can we?

Vote!

It's hard to believe that the election is almost here. Discounting the sleeping I'm about to do, it is here! I'm voting in person for the first time - having voted absentee during the start of my democratic participatory career - and I'm really excited. I'm excited to push the buttons or pull the levers or whatever it is you do inside a voting booth. What I'm moderately less excited for are the lines (though still somewhat excited because they mean that people are voting - take that apathy)...

I don't have much to say about this (particularly that I would feel comfortable publishing on a blog for a publicly funded medical school), so I will simply say this:

Vote! Vote like your life depends on it!

Remember that you are allowed to bring whatever you want with you to the polls, as long as there is no campaign material visible. This means it's perfectly legal to print out a ballot, mark all of your preferences and notes, and carry it in your pocket to the polls. If you have a button, t-shirt, etc with a candidate's name on it, you can still vote, you just have to cover the item when you get within 100 ft of the polling place.

And if you aren't sure where to go, what to do, or who to vote for, check out:

Mlive.com: Get your whole ballot and use their nifty side-by-side comparison to see what the candidates said and what their background is: http://thevoterguide11.mlive.com/?sfr

League of Women Voters: They also collect information about the candidates and line it up so you can compare their views on different questions: http://www.vote411.org/onyourballot/state.php

Still have questions? Visit www.publius.gov to print out a ballot, find your polling place, and find contact information for local officials.